Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Disobedience and Sovereignty

Sovereignty has the last word.

First, a story: I paid a bill online today and was left with $6 in my account. Later, I went (shall I call it home?) and opened an envelope addressed to me with a check inside for $500.

I say this a lot, but I love knowing that there will be times in my life where I stop and say to my past, present, and future self, "Why would you ever doubt Him?!" Knowing that now feeds the fire of my trust in the One who will never, ever, ever, ever, ever go back on His promises to provide for us. Trusting when these things are unseen increases the delight I have in Him in the meantime regardless of what He might or might not be allowing me to see. And He's intentional and gracious about that too.

If a shepherd boy became a king, if the Messiah was born of a virgin, if grass pierces concrete -- SURELY nothing is too hard for Him; SURELY He is unstoppable.

Lately I have been calling Him the God of surprises. That...does things to me.

Terrified and full of joy.

An acquaintance of mine wrote recently, "It's possible to be afraid of what obedience might bring next and be full of thanks and overflowing joy and TRUST anyway. This giddy anticipation because we see all that He has done for us and we believe that He can only bring more good. Good, even in the ugly."

I want to tell you how I have been disobeying Him lately.

But really, I want to tell you how incredible He is.

Keep in mind that one of the things I keep asking for is grace to trust Him more.

Several months ago, while driving by a house on the way to my mother's, I was nudged by the Spirit to visit whoever might live there. I didn't. I have passed that house several times since then and His Spirit keeps persisting...and I keep resisting. Wanting but resisting, praising but disobeying, as a good friend of mine wrote recently.

My initial response to His nudge is to look around my car to see what I have to offer the people of the house. Somehow I think that that would make it less weird for the person on the other side of that door. I'm probably dead wrong. Can you picture it? "My name's Brittany...I'm older than I look...uhh...here's a crumbled cookie...and a scarf from India...mind if I come inside?"

If we are out of our mind, it is for God, right?

I think of this and consider one of the things that His mind has been tumbling around in my head for the past few months:

Jesus isn't just the best thing I have to offer anyone. He's the only thing.

Christ, Christ, Christ. Nothing but Christ. He's good enough to stand alone. "Good" is so much of an understatement that it almost seems like a misrepresentation.

I just wonder. I just wonder what He will do next. And I wonder if wondering is idling. And He hushes my mind. But I wonder still.

Do I believe He's enough or not? Do I believe I can walk up to someone empty-handed and know that I am offering them the greatest thing that has ever existed? I think I believe that. There is nothing to lose; only joy to gain. I think I believe that too. And while I am now eager and resolute to knock on that door and speak things that will probably not come until the moment I open my mouth, I wonder why I waited to decide to follow Him there until it made more sense to me. Disobedience is nauseating at best. Sometimes I think when instead it is best to just follow...and thinking (questioning His leading, making excuses, etc.) always complicates things. I want to be one who follows His every nudge. I want a trust that neither questions nor delays. I want the only explanation for the things that happen in my life to be divine intervention.

But really, I want to know Him. There is so much yet to know of Him! Unchartered waters of trust flow into unchartered waters of intimacy with Him. Intimacy is ministry. I've lived that. It just spills over.

In the past month, different people have said a variation of a phrase that always resounds within me. I've heard, "Do it!", "Go for it!", and "Just go for it with Jesus!"

Just going for it...I intend to. I'll let you know who is on the other side of that door, and what He allows me to know of Him in the process.

He is such a Lion.

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